|Mom feeding her squirrel friends in Alabama|
Still it was hard to resist feeding them from a distance.
The toast was so much bigger and heavier than he anticipated. Slowly, the bread started peeling the squirrel off the tree. Next thing we knew, the little squirrel and the toast were blended in a whirling blur on the ground.
One squirrel up in the tree, caught him, held him down and totally mortified his squirrel dignity by licking him clean. (probably his mother.) He was completely humiliated and screeched afterward for a good half hour from a higher branch. The others ignored him.
It was fun to watch the battle. You always knew when a jay had won food away from a squirrel.
One day the squirrels got the best of HER. Here starts what I think you will agree, is the funniest squirrel story ever!
Mother had been sucking on her front teeth making this hideous sound constantly. It was somewhere between a low whistle and a gross wet noise. She did it on purpose, too.
|Our 50s Buick was just like this one.|
One really long bathroom trip later, a raid on the gift shop for treats, and Mom was happy. I remember she was wearing her long hair wound up around her head, and a halter top. Her shorts completed the summer attire; it was very muggy in Florida that time of year, but she was dressed for it. She had as little skin covered as she could get away with to stay cool.
|My dad earlier in the 40s. He laughed a lot in those days.|
|One of the glass-bottom boats at Silver Springs Resort where we stopped.|
Tired of my very annoying mother.
I’d gone pee, had a snack, and was just looking at the scene around us. We gazed lazily at the other tourists, getting ready to board the glass bottom boats at Silver Springs docks. Kids were running all over, being kids. There were a lot of people milling around. Mom just sat in peace under the Cypress tree. We wanted to get going again and she was holding us up.
Just above her head, and on the back side of the tree trunk, were squirrels. Not just one or two, but a dozen at least, and they were BIG! Lured by the tantalizing smell of her peanuts, they were almost rabid with desire.... for HER treat!
So, drawn by the scent of peanuts, stealthily they approached her, totally unnoticed. One bold fellow hopped up to her on the ground from the front.
We could see what was unfolding and we waited for it... WAITED.... WAITED........WAITED...
It was timed such that the two on the ground charged her lap. One who jumped on her head, got caught in her hair!
Simultaneously, the ones on the ground charged up her bare legs! The others jumped down on her boobs and bare shoulders! (Imagine how that felt - all those scratchy little squirrel feet, on your exposed skin, your head, your arms, legs, thighs…. It must have been horrendously shocking!)
One tried to run right up the leg of her shorts! Eeeeeeeya!!
Mom instantly FREAKED! She shrieked, becoming a whirling dervish, tossing coke, peanuts and her hands in the air!
He sure grabbed my arm, pinched me hard so I didn’t yell out a warning. We watched with something akin to vindication (or GLEE) as Mom instantly became a spinning human top, hysterically screaming! Her Coke and peanuts scattered in every direction, while she launched herself off the ground, jumping up and grabbing her squirrel-infested hair!
That didn’t help, because all the squirrels tried to get DOWN Mom’s body to the food.
She became an INSTANT squirrel carpet, a squirrel highway!
She promptly PEED herself.
She about ripped her hair out, and had turned beet red from head to toe. The squirrels, apparently practiced in assaulting people for food, grabbed her goodies and vanished into the trees like ghosts.
|I was such a cute dweeb in those days.|
We made sympathetic faces and noises, trying not to laugh. Dad comforted her, got out the luggage so she could change and bought her another Coke and more peanuts.
Which she ate IN THE CAR.
The squirrels had gotten even for US, for our misery.
She never said another word all the way to the motel that night. It was a peaceful, relaxing drive.
|My folks and me a few years after that trip to Florida|
He hummed all the way to the motel. And me …. I got a spanking when we got there for grinning way too much.
WAY TOO MUCH!